


This Is Where It Ends

by bujuui



Category: Monsta X (Band)
Genre: Implied/Referenced Suicide
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-07-16
Updated: 2016-07-16
Packaged: 2018-07-24 08:29:05
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,552
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/7501197
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/bujuui/pseuds/bujuui
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Hyungwon closes his eyes and keeps them shut, wishes they could stay shut forever.</p>
            </blockquote>





	This Is Where It Ends

**Author's Note:**

  * Inspired by [Fly To The Moon, Forget About You](https://archiveofourown.org/works/5861221) by [bujuui](https://archiveofourown.org/users/bujuui/pseuds/bujuui). 



> you should read Fly To The Moon, Forget About You first

Hyungwon looks around the room. It’s more than a little nostalgic, coming back here five years later and seeing his memories in every dusty corner, he can see himself everywhere he looks. He sees himself crying alone, he sees himself sleeping by the window, and even remembers things he thought he had forgotten. 

He doesn’t just see himself though, he sees Kihyun too. He thinks about Kihyun when he looks at the rotting half-there chair that Hyungwon had expected to be gone by now. That was Kihyun’s favorite spot. He recalls Kihyun not ever sitting anywhere else, except for that one night, that one night that comes back even though Hyungwon thought he’d forgotten.

_“You think everything happens for a reason?” Kihyun asks, Hyungwon walking in the ‘club house’. Hyungwon looks to the chair but Kihyun’s not there, he’s at the window, looking outside Hyungwon walks over and sits down. Kihyun is crying, to no surprise, why else would he be here._

_“No.” Hyungwon says. Kihyun nods._

_“Me neither.”_

_And without a word, they both know why. If everything happened for a reason, then why did such horrible things happen to them? To anyone? That just couldn’t be true. They wouldn’t believe that, no way._

_“Did something happen?” Hyungwon asks, and he usually doesn’t ask, he lets Wonho do that because that’s what Wonho did. He asked the ‘are you okay? wanna talk about it?’ type of things. Hyungwon didn’t, but Wonho wasn’t here, and Hyungwon was._

_Kihyun’s breath stutters when he breathes in, like he can’t get enough air. “It’s just, it hurts a lot right now, and I just wondered if it hurts for a reason, or if I just hurts because other people make it hurt.”_

_Hyungwon sucks at this, he wishes he hadn’t asked, because he wasn’t like Wonho, he didn’t know what to say now. Kihyun looks down, a sad smile. “Maybe it doesn’t have to hurt,” Hyungwon says suddenly, surprising himself and Kihyun. “Maybe we can just run away. To where it doesn’t hurt.”_

_Kihyun meets his eyes and they turn almost sparkling, a scary kind of beautiful. Hyungwon can’t look away, because he’s gone to far. Kihyun knows what he means._

_“How should we do it?” Kihyun asks, and for some reason Hyungwon feels hot in this ten below weather, itchy because this is so wrong that this feels so official, that they can leave right now, they could go tonight._

_Hyungwon lets his eyes flicker away. He thinks of his room, where he has a bottle of aspirin and a bottle of allergy meds. “I have some things at home?” Hyungwon asks. Kihyun looks happy, and Hyungwon wonders if taking Kihyun with him was the way to do this, to run away._

_The door opens really loudly, or maybe it was just very quiet, as it would be between two people discussing the end of the world._

_“Hey! Guess who has hot chocolate. It’s me, here.” Wonho says, paying no mind to atmosphere. He hands a cup to Hyungwon who takes it, doesn’t drink from it, just holds it. Wonho tries to give a cup to Kihyun but he walks past and goes to his chair, takes his jacket off and throws it over himself._

_Wonho looks after him for a moment, then looks to Hyungwon. Feeling guilty, Hyungwon takes a drink from his cup. On any other day it would have tasted good, but not right now. Right now it tasted sour and too powdery._

_“Do you want to talk about it?” Wonho asks, walking to the chair with a cup of fast cooling hot chocolate._

_“Do I look like I want to fucking talk about it?” Kihyun asks, and the sound of his voice makes the hot chocolate taste so bad that Hyungwon honestly wants to throw up. He can’t believe he was going to run away with his best friend, whatever, pills didn’t cure heart aches anyway._

_Wonho sits the cup down next to the chair and they all sit in a terrible silence until Hyungwon can’t take it. He says the quickest goodbye to Wonho he’s ever said, and ignores Kihyun’s eyes that he feels boring into his back as he leaves._

_He dumps the hot chocolate outside and watches the snow melt. He wishes he could melt._

 

Hyungwon was so deep in thought that he didn’t hear the door open, and he literally jumps when he hears Wonho’s voice. Not just in a memory, but actually Wonho. His hair is different, blond looks nice, and he looks a little taller. Not as tall as him, but taller nonetheless.

“Sorry! Ha, you looked so zoned out, I knew you’d jump.” Wonho says, on the verge of a laugh, and Hyungwon can’t help smiling.

“How’d you find me?” Hyungwon asks, because he seriously doubted that Wonho still came here, and Kihyun’s chair would be in better shape if he still did. Wonho looks around the room and it’s like he’s doing what Hyungwon had done just moments ago.

Hyungwon tries not to stare, but Wonho was here, he was there, right there. Wonho stops looking around, and sits down by the window. A weirdly familiar sight. “I heard you were in town,” Wonho says. “But I couldn’t find a Chae Hyungwon staying at any nearby hotels.”

“And?”

“And so I thought I’d look here.”

“Oh.” Hyungwon doesn’t know what else to say. He could ask why Wonho would go as far as looking for him at all the hotels around this side of the city, but he doesn’t want to know. “I’m not staying for long, so I didn’t need a room.”

Wonho nods, looking out the window. “I uh, I needed to see you again.” Wonho tells him. Hyungwon feels his heart moving faster, but he wills it to stop. “I missed you. You kind of disappeared after school. Thought you’d at least say bye.” 

Hyungwon finds a cobweb in the top right corner of the room, and he focuses on it while he talks. “I had to leave, you of all people knew that. Kihyun too.”

Wonho moves in the corner of Hyungwon’s sight. “You know about Kihyun, right?” Wonho asks. Hyungwon doesn’t, and even though he feels like he knows where this is going, he still looks over. “He killed himself a few months after you left.”

Hyungwon shakes his head, a weird sort of laugh coming out. “You’re not, blaming me, are you?” Hyungwon asks. Wonho doesn’t say no right away and Hyungwon takes off his jacket because it’s not negative ten out and it’s really hot.

“No.”

“You do.”

“He needed you. Us, we were in this together.”

Hyungwon bites the inside of his cheek. “In what?”

Wonho shrugs. Hyungwon sits down on his jacket. Deep down Hyungwon knew it was only a matter of time before Kihyun ran away, and Hyungwon knew it was kind of his fault. For putting that into his head. Wonho didn’t know about that.

“When are you leaving?” Wonho asks. Hyungwon swallows.

“Today.” Hyungwon answers. Wonho nods.

“You could stay longer, with me I mean. I have an extra room.” Wonho says, voice kind of desperate, like he thought Hyungwon would still fall for this like the lonely teenager he used to be. 

“No, I can’t be here.” Hyungwon says. Wonho nods again. Hyungwon suddenly wishes he’d never left, never left Kihyun alone and never left Wonho without saying goodbye. “I’m sorry. I’m really fucking sorry that this didn’t turn out the way you hoped. That me and Kihyun didn’t get better and we all left each other. I’m sorry I left Kihyun and I’m sorry I didn’t say goodbye, and that I wasn’t here after he left you all by yourself.” Hyungwon rushes out, choking up and covering his face in his knees.

Wonho from three years ago in the middle of December would have come over and hugged him, but Wonho right now waits for Hyungwon to stop, to compose himself.

“I won't lie and say I don’t hate you for leaving, but I also won’t lie and pretend I don’t still love you.” Wonho says. Hyungwon closes his eyes and keeps them shut, wishes they could stay shut forever.

“I still love you too, but this can’t work out now. I can’t, I can’t fucking be here.” Hyungwon says. His heart hates him, because it wants to stay and be here with Wonho, but his brain is screaming that Kihyun didn’t get his happy ending, so why should he?

Wonho doesn’t say anything, just gets up. Hyungwon looks up and watches Wonho walk to the door.

“Sorry that everything was always so messed up. You and Kihyun deserved better. I can say goodbye now, right? We won’t meet again and regret this, right?” Wonho asks, that desperate tone still there.

Hyungwon hates every word that leaves his mouth. “Right. Goodbye Kihyun,” Hyungwon says, one glance to the chair before standing up and walking to the door. They both walk out and shut the door. Hyungwon never plans on opening it again. Every memory in there shouldn’t come out. “Goodbye, Wonho.” Hyungwon says.

“Goodbye.”

 

Hyungwon liked it better when Kihyun sat in his chair, and when Wonho’s hair was dark. 

Hyungwon liked it better when it was Winter.


End file.
